so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
