We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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