I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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