You're my little dorito
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
