Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
