They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
