Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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