I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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