so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
