Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
