So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
