We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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