I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
