i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
