If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
birth control should be required to get into college
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
