can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
