thus making me awesome and them whores
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
