i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I love having hate sex.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
