Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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