the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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