I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
