College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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