opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
