im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
