If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
