eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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