Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
