Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We're too hungover to prance.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
