i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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