Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
