sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
