I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
