I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
