Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
