I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
