Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So. Much. Porn.
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