I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
