I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
