Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
