Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
