Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
