i just wanna soil my oats bro
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
