yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
