Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
