her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There are leaves in my underwear?
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