What did we do last night that was yellow?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
