I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
