halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
