Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
