Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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