I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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