so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
