shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
