the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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