I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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