Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
