If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
