and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
