I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she woke up with a sticky ear
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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