I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
two words...techno handjob
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
