it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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