I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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