Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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