All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
