Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
