the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I enjoy the company of your penis
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
