i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
